An Open Letter To The Man Who Treated Me Less Than Human

To The Man Who Treated Me Less Than Human,

Simply put, you were wrong. You were wrong about life and you were wrong about love.

I was not lucky to be yours. For the longest time I thought I was the luckiest girl because you chose me. I was so shy and unsure of myself and somehow I had caught the attention of someone so charming and funny. You could have any girl in the world and yet you chose me. I now see that you weren’t the catch, I was.

I did not deserve the way you treated me. I did not deserve to be made to feel like I was so easily replaceable. You made sure I knew how easy it would be for you to toss me to the wayside for one of the many girls you were always reminding me that was lined up and waiting for you. I did not deserve to be manipulated and guilted into having sex with you. I did not deserve you storming out the door and leaving me in a puddle of tears because I forgot to buy butter. I did not deserve to have to grovel at your feet and beg for sex anytime you were mad, just to get you to talk to me again.

You were not worth fighting for. For two years, I fought so hard to keep you in my life and to prove to you that I deserved you. I fought so hard to show you that I was worthy of your time and attention. All I wanted, more than anything in the world, was your approval and love. I thank God everyday that I finally stopped fighting for you. That I finally recognized you for what you were, even if it did take me two years.

You were wrong about people. For the longest time you had me believing that no one could be trusted. Everyone was out to get me and everyone had poor intentions. You did this to isolate me. To make me feel like I had no one to turn to but you. But since leaving you, I’ve been reminded that you couldn’t have been more wrong. For every terrible person out there, there are a 100 more who are good to the core. They are kind and accepting and loving. I’m sorry you couldn’t see that.

You were not the best I could get. In fact, my husband is living proof. You wanted me to believe that I would never get better than you. You had me believing that I didn’t even deserve you, so how could I possible hope for better? But guess what? I got a better man than you could ever even pretend to be. Like you, he is charming and he is charismatic. But unlike you, it is not an act. He is sincere. He is the kindest most selfless man I have ever met and his love for me is unconditional. He holds me when I’m crying instead of walking out of the room so he doesn’t have to hear it. He buys me jewelry because he loves to spoil me, not because he cheated on me. He knows I would do anything for him, just like you did and yet he doesn’t ask.

It wasn’t me, it was you. It is not my fault that you treated me so poorly.  I did nothing wrong. All along, everything I beat myself up about, everything I blamed myself for. . .none of it had anything to do with me. Every bit of it was because of you and your inability to care for another human being.

I am not jealous or crazy. The moment you were out of my life, things began to make sense again. I began to see that most people are good and kind. I began to realize that when I’m not being cheated on, I don’t get jealous. When I’m not being lied to and manipulated, I am trusting. Isn’t it crazy how that works?

I AM ENOUGH. I have always been enough. No matter my imperfections, no matter my mistakes, I am enough. The fact that you kept cheating on me has nothing to do with me or what I did wrong and has everything to do with the fact that you were incapable of being satisfied with one woman. It had everything to do with your inability to be pleased and nothing to do with my shortcomings.

You do not get to decide my worth. I am the daughter of a King. I was born with infinite worth. You do not get to decide if I am worthy of love and respect. You literally have no say in the matter, nor will you ever.  

You didn’t win. For a while, you did have complete control over me. I did anything and everything you ever asked of me. But the moment I walked out that door, you lost. The moment I saw you for what you truly were, it was game over. I took my life back and now I am fighting tooth and nail every single day to make sure you no longer hold any power over my mind.

You did not break me. You thought you could. You thought you had. You wanted me to feel weak, you wanted to keep me chained like an animal. But what you didn’t see is that I am a fighter. I am stronger than you will ever know.

To the man who treated me less than human. . .

Thank You.

Thank you for helping me appreciate what a good man my husband really is. I probably wouldn’t adore him as much for simply answering his phone anytime I call if you hadn’t rejected hundreds of mine. I probably wouldn’t appreciate his faithfulness to me as much if you hadn’t been unfaithful. I probably wouldn’t get overwhelmed with love and gratitude as much because my husband treats me like a queen if you hadn’t treated me like an animal.

Thank you for making my life a living hell so I could appreciate how beautiful life is without you. My life is far from perfect, but it sure feels perfect when I compare it to my days with you. When I start to get upset with my husband for being late for date night, I stop and remind myself that 1) he makes date night with me a priority every week, 2) he apologized for being late instead of getting mad at me for being upset about and 3) he proudly puts his arm around me and I don’t have to worry about him hitting on our waitress in front of me. You really help put things into perspective.

Thank you for showing me exactly what kind of treatment not to tolerate in my life. Before you came along, I let anyone and everyone walk all over me. Now, I have boundaries. You taught me that boundaries are a good thing. You taught me that people who don’t respect my boundaries don’t deserve a place in my life.

Thank you for helping me recognize that I matter too. Growing up, I always put others needs or wants before my own. I always did whatever it took to keep the peace, no matter what it meant for me. You knew that and you used that to your advantage every second of every day. There was your mistake. It was only because I had no voice for so long that I was finally able to recognize that my voice mattered too. What I want matters too. So, thanks to you, I now fight for myself. I now voice my opinions and stand up for myself. You taught me to fight for me. You taught me that I deserve to be happy too.

Thank you for making me stronger than I ever could have become on my own. You made me resilient. You made me a fighter. I wouldn’t be living the beautiful life I am now if it weren’t for you.

To the man who treated me less than human. . .

I’m sorry. I’m sorry you’re hurting so much inside that you can’t see and enjoy the beautiful things that life has to offer. I’m sorry that the only way to alleviate your pain is by hurting others. I hope one day, you can break free of the chains, just as I have, and finally fly free so you can see the world for what it really is. . .

Beautiful.